It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
