Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
