I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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