I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
