i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
