At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
