i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
