Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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