Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
