And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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