Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Sorry about my life...
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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