When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
