I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
