He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
