Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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