just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
