Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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