The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
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