i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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