Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
