All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
We had to coat check the pizza.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Randomize
