apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize