I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
