winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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