Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
