I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
