So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
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