you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
