I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
