I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
