...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
