sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize