last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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