my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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