I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
