It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
