Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
