oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
