Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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