How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I need a burrito and a hug.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize