I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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