Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
