Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize