his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
