I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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