is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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