maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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