my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
