i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
