Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(806): View more from Texas

Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.

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(585): View more from New York

Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.

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(252): View more from North Carolina

it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?

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(317): View more from Indiana

i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..

(1-317): View more from Indiana

yeah thats usually a good indication.

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(425): View more from Washington

This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.

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(407): View more from Florida

If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.

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(712): View more from Iowa

Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.

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