Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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