Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
