Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
