honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
