Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
