how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
