as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
