I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
