I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
