Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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